Anonymous wrote:

Salaam Shamsa, I hope that you and your family are doing well inshallah 💓💓!! I am a 14 year old girl and my parents have gotten divorced for about 2 years now. I thought that as they had gotten divorced everything would be fine and everything will go back to normal as a happy family should but everything started going downhill from there. I live with my mum but unfortunately my dad tried to commit suicide when he found out that my mum wanted to divorce him. The first time he tried to commit suicide was when he tried to take an overload of tablets (this was when he was still living with us) but the next morning he just ended up being sick! So he tried to commit suicide again and this happened on the night of Eid (2 years ago) me and my family were home and we got a phone call from the police saying that he tried to commit suicide by jumping off a bridge on the motorway!! Alhumdullilah he did not die but he was admitted to hospital and me, my 23 year old sister, my 9 year old sister and my 24 year old brother went to see him but with my mum. Subhanallah he did get better and now he’s on crutches but I wanted to know how could I help my mum as she is struggling a lot. The Islamic divorce has gone through so islamically they are divorced but my mum just needs to do the English divorce but my dad does not  want to go along with it. My dad doesn’t want to see any of us 4 kids but because my mum was in an abusive relationship with him I don’t actually love him because of what he used to do. As you are a mother I wanted to ask you what exactly could I do to make my mum feel better because we are not good financially as well. It’s just really hard for us and I don’t know what to do with my dad or my mum because I love my mum more than my dad but I want to know what exactly I could do to make my mum feel more happier or just to help her in the house. Jazakhallah for reading this and I hope you can get back to me xx ❤️❤️P.S sorry if it’s really long and I’m sorry if I sound stupid . Xx

Wa alaikum salaam my young sister. Alhamdulillah I’m really well and hope you are doing well despite your difficult circumstances. I am touched that you reached out to me with your problems. I will try to offer the best advice I can, but remember that I am not a professional.

Divorce is such a huge decision, and it can be extremely difficult for any children who are affected greatly by their parents divorce. It is sad to hear that your father has attempted suicide more than once, and it is important that you advise him to speak to someone – either a doctor, counsellor or an imam who can help him get through this difficult time.

It must have taken a lot of willpower for your mother to gather the strength to leave your father, especially since it was an abusive relationship, so I can only applaud your mother for her strength.

Place your trust in Allah subhaanahu wa ta’ala. This is a huge change in your mother’s life,(and your lives) and it will take time and patience to adjust to your new situation. I believe that your mother will be strong enough to deal with the divorce inshaAllah, so the best that you can do is support her and help her to the best of your ability. You are too young to help out financially, but maybe help out around the house with chores to lighten your mother’s burden, and help to look after your younger sibling. There should be financial help for your mother, and hopefully she is getting enough help through benefits etc. while she gets back on her feet.

I pray that things work out for you and your family sister, and I pray that your parents find happiness in the near future. Whatever happens, make sure that you all keep a close relationship to Allah subhaanahu wa ta’ala, as that is what will pull you all through your parents’ divorce.

Lots of love,

Shamsa 🙂

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