Anonymous wrote:

Hi shamsa just discovered you recently and need your advice badly. I am a 28 year old mum of four and have been married 10 years. My husband was acting not himself last year and I discovered he was close to getting a second wife he just met after saying he did not agree with it. After I found out we spoke honestly and he admitted to his past cheating on me through the years with 8 women but blames this on haram influences and substances. He basically had a secret life and said that he was sorry and decided to not marry this girl and it was a big mistake ever talking to her. She however wont give up and is literally a stalker who wants us to split. He is making an effort to be more religious but remains friends with people who are not muslim and live that lifestyle and he finds it hard to give them up because he has known them for years and that’s why I find it hard to trust him and it has affected my confidence but I do love him and want the marriage to work. Am I being too naive?

Assalaamu alaikum sister,

I am sorry to hear about the difficult situation that you are facing. First of all, alhamdulillah (all praise to God) that you found out about your husband’s infidelity. It seems as though he regrets his actions. If his friends (whether Muslim or non-Muslim) are a bad influence on him, then he should make the effort to remove himself from them so that he is not tempted to fall into the same sins. You are who your friends are, although some people blame others for their actions when they fall into sins easily all by themselves.

Your trust issues and lack of confidence are completely understandable. As you want the marriage to work, it would make sense to give him one chance. If he slips up at all, it shows that he cannot be trusted and no woman with self-respect would continue to stay in a marriage with this man. If he truly loves you, he will treat you with respect and not cheat on you with another woman.

I pray that your marriage works out, particularly as you have children together. If he continues to cheat and your marriage doesn’t work out, then you must accept that Allah (swt) is there for you and you must place your trust in Him and Him alone.

All the best,

Shamsa xxx

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